I’ve just finished reading “Looking for Alaska” by John Green.( you can buy it here, you should it’s epic.) If you haven’t read it you should. It’s wonderful. I finished the book feeling super inspired, not that anyone in the book accomplishes anything amazing, but Alaska…she just has this spirit, and this zest for life, and as fucked up and nuts as she is, you cannot help but love her because she just lives so big, and full out, and I wish I was more like her.
I’ve been really un-insipred lately. I feel like I work so hard to creating things that barely anyone see’s. I worked so hard to get free lashes for my readers from one of my favorite companies, WINKS, and 9 people entered. Nine. I just thought more people might be interested. (not that I don’t love you ones who did enter, and let’s face it your odds are really great!) but… I’m thinking about quitting it all, doing something else, and finding happiness somewhere else. What would I do? I don’t know. Is anything I am doing on here changing anyone’s life? I’m not sure, could my energies be places somewhere better? I don’t know.
My boss at The Insider sat me down today, and told me that my videos are the most popular thing on our site, and that everyone is always talking about how much they love me, and I wanted to hug her and cry at the same time. Will I always be a 8 year old girl looking for everyone’s acceptance and praise? Sometimes though, it just feels good to know you are doing a good job, I guess, or more than anything it feels good to know that you matter somehow. I don’t feel like I matter. So very few things do. That’s a hard lesson to learn as an adult.
If I really wanted to make a difference I could go build houses in war torn countries or do something else. I hope my bad case of the missing inspirations goes away soon.
Anyways, I built us this gallery of images that I am looking through today to get me back to wanting to live a better life. it’s hard somedays, when you just want to lay around in your pajamas and sleep away your entire existence.