August 2010
21 posts
how are you supposed to trust anything your heart tells you when your heart has fooled you before? people say we are supposed to trust our guts, but my guts are liars. I am a walking zombie. Somewhere between the guilt and my guts, is my heart and I wish that my heart spoke English. Sometimes I feel like my heart speaks some sort of native tongue of a different planet. I can never actually...
“Such a simple concept, yet so true: that which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.” - the art of racing in the rain. It is so easy when things go right so say- I totally manifested this! I thought about it, pictured it, dreamed about...
the good fight.
I had the most amazing conversation with my mom today. Hospitals offer no distractions. There is only talking and jello.I am in the middle of my own little pity party. I plan on attending it for one more day before putting back on my combat boots of life and walking with my head held high. I have been working as a professional dancer for almost 10 years. This was my dream and it has never been...
When did it not be OK for two women to love each other and support each other? I am hearing all this backlash about me + cp and that there should be this big jealousy between me and her because of her success. I don’t live my life that way. I live my life this way. I am in the center of a giant web and when I reach out in any direction I can touch a whole bunch of the most wonderful...
thank you for all your kind wishes while i tend to my mommma in the hospital. sorry I have not been writing. for my sake, go run, jump, kartwheel and roll around. get the heck off the internet and go spend time with the people you love the most.
jazz hands
Heading home to canada for a few weeks and I remembered that the last time I was in Canada I had the best time with my brother talking about JAZZ HANDS. He is a super funny guy + entertains me to no end. I hope you enjoy.
alone.
see guys? being alone is totally okay. having a date with your dog on friday night and being excited about an early bed time and a nice hot shower is totally ok. Even if the whole world would think you are a loser…you are not a loser…you are just alone.
We Move Forward.
loyalty is THE thing. but, as you you know… YOUR loyalty and your standards for yourself are not followed by others. this is how it works. you live your life YOUR way. and that is how you derive satisfaction… it is SO disappointing when others don’t live up to those standards… but try and remember they are YOUR standards. everyone else has their own agenda. and are looking...
When I was a little girl my mom used to sing me James Taylor’s “you’ve got a friend” as a lullaby. I always remember one line from that song They’ll hurt you, and desert you And take your soul if you let them The most important thing you can do for yourself when things go wrong and you lose it all is to try your very hardest not to lose yourself. Especially in the...
Biggest most exciting news ever!
I searched and searched for the perfect publisher for my book. I took meetings and talked to people who thought the book was perfect and twice as many meeting with people who thought the book was crap. I was offered a deal with Chris from Deadxstop and sat on it for a few months until one day I let go of my fear of actually putting this out into the world and said yes. I am so happy to be working...
telling lies.
“There comes a point where you can’t make any more excuses for yourself and you know, in the deepest part of your soul, that you are not okay. It is a hard place to get to because it is so easy, when you’re used to faking it, to lie, even to yourself. I convinced myself over and over that I was fine but time and time again, my actions disproved this. Telling lies to other...
I am pretty sure that none of us have any idea just how special we really are. Or we would spend a whole lot more time giving ourselves giant hugs celebrating all the things that we are instead of beating ourselves up over all the things we are not. I am perfectly imperfect.
Sometimes having a fearless heart means getting that nauseous feeling in your stomach at the thought of losing something, and then pushing forward anyway knowing that one day there is a very good chance that you will be hurt…because what if you don’t lose this time? full out. fear less. ps. Photo courtesy of discountdance.com- the BIGGEST online dance store has just picked up...
I realized this week what having your dreams come true really means. When I was a little girl I had a dream that one day I would grow up and be a Radio City Rockette. I worked my whole life to have that dream come true. It did. For the last 5 years I have spent each xmas kicking and sharing joy through my work as a Rockette. I want to remind everyone that just because your dream comes true, it...
someone told me today that the one you are supposed to be with is the one you will be willing to give it all up for. all that will matter is you and them. I suppose that I have taken what fate has given me and it is this undying passion + obsession with my work. I love it. I am in love with it. Everyone keeps giving me advice on balance and having it all and mixing love and work, and what really...
Have you ever had a truth inside you that was eating you alive? That truth is going to really hurt someone you really care about. Those are the kinds of days that are the hardest. You have to tell the truth, because it is the right thing to do. The truth you tell is causing pain to someone I love. I have to watch those tears well up in their eyes, and I know that from now on, no matter what I...
how do you measure, measure a year?
equality. California did something really right this week. Equality is such a great concept and yet even in our regular lives a challenge to accept for me accepting the gay community is as easy as telling you my favorite sandwich is pb + j. It is just part of who I am, growing up in the dance world from a tiny little age I never realized that there was a supposed difference in the rank of human...
will they hate me for all the choices I made?
They say time heals all wounds. I have to agree. Maybe an “us” only exists in a particular space and time. I know that we were an us. I know when I saw you today we were just us…separately. I couldn’t imagine sleeping next to your skin, I can’t remember why I thought you were so beautiful. It was the same feeling I felt when I first left home at 18 and spend a...
my daddy says.
Never take no for an answer. I promise there will be so many people saying no. If at first you do not find success you just have to try, try, try and never ever give up. Keep moving forward with confidence and know that the universe has a big plan for you. It feels heartbreaking to put yourself out there each and everyday to only receive rejection, but there is a reason for that to, we just do...
create.
Sorry I have been MIA. I have been creating my life + a busy bee. Flew to Atlanta for an audition + then was working till all hours of the night on this little baby. One of the things I have realized in life is that most of the time to opportunity that you really want, won’t come to you easily. I grew up wanting to dance in Janet Jackson videos, I figured that one day if I lived in a big...
