December 2009
22 posts
A slowly crafted monologue conceding your defeat.
I am a lover, and not a fighter, but I will fight for what I love. I fought for me, I fought for you, I fought against the universe, I fought against my heart, I fought my own eye ducts when I was holding back tears- but then I started fighting a better fight…one for MY dream and my very first love, my love of art, movement, music and pointed toes. People say, “you must be so glad...
if love were easy, I wouldn’t recognize it.
get dirty.
My bestie Spagatti is very far away and I haven’t spoken to him for over 2 weeks. I think in the course of our lifelong friendship this is the longest we have gone. I get to see him next week, but it is not soon enough. I decided to write him old school email format and I ended up venting on and on about change and how much I hate it, and how I seemingly get myself into situations far more...
with or without you.
Somewhere out there, there is someone who cannot live without me. Someone who will grab me at the airport and spin me around. Someone who loves to laugh + obsess + cry at movies + snuggle. I cannot wait to meet you. …meanwhile, I keep dancing.
Thank you, for showing me I am nothing special.
I am pretty sure that the reason I exist is to fall in love daily with glitter, feathers and musicals. So happy that it seems pop culture is accepting my favorite thing more and more. NINE was brilliant. Go see it. A friend of mine said to me, “Oh lord I am Guido” + I said, “oh. I am the wife.” I love this song- I love her big f-you moment in this movie. Fearless!
Hi, I am free.
The best christmas was the worst christmas. Yesterday, I woke up, cried a little on the phone with my family and the got a chance to talk to most of my very best friends for hours on end. Then I slept for 22 hours. I really needed it. I woke up this morning, feeling clear headed and rested for the first time in months. I noticed that somewhere in the middle of the early evening I missed a message...
Xmas eve from the Virgina Airport...
Every year around this day people ask me “What am I asking for?”. I could make a list of things I would like in my collection of things, but travelling with an extra small suitcase this year and being homeless has placed huge limits of my collecting of “things”. I love it because it reminds me that the things that I really should be lusting after are not things I can hold...
lost in translation.
She loves: fresh pressed loose leaf green tea + high ponytails + paris + beautiful images + really soft skin + rockette red lips+nails + canada + daisies + avocados + bookcases She loves the words: fearless + amorous + love + revbev + tomorrow + ambition + grace + applause + strut + crazytown + rad She enjoys: entertaining the masses behind actors + singers + musicians + brands She dreams of:...
I hope your hell is filled with magazines + on...
Last night Christina and I talked late into the night about our plans for 2010. 2009 was a pretty gross year for both of us, and I think we share the feelings that we would both enjoy crawling into a comfy snuggie of protection and never ever come out. But we are strong, fearless females. Plans needed to be made. More than anything this year, I realized that, nothing belongs to you, unless it...
I had a conversation with Santa tonight at the bar. I know this sounds silly, but it is true. Santa is quite the conversationalist. He called me ‘intimidating”. I got angry, again, because I am confused as to why people keep saying that about me. It sort of hurts my feelings. I asked Santa to explain- he said that we live in a world the is not conditioned to handle the truth. That I...
It's raining in Baltimore baby, but everything...
I am not going to say what I want to say, because I don’t even want it to exist. But I looked up today and a year had passed. The people around me were talking and reminsiing about this skinny girl and a banana suit dancing around the stage taking pictures. I hadn’t seen the staff in Baltimore since last year. People began to ask me what happened and I just answered with, things...
give me all of that love stuff, yeah.
every have one of those days where one of your besties writes a hit song and you are so excited you skip down the hallway? There are only a few times I have gotten that gut wrenching feeling which is a delicious mix of goosebumps and the future and spicy Cajun sauce in my veins.. -10 years old dancing in my crappy studio in a jazz group to “in the name of love” -hearing...
I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to...
People often ask me what is the best piece of advice I can give up-and-coming dancers and this is it. Be you. But be the very best version of yourself that you can be. There is no need to be a cookie cutter version of what you think everyone wants you to be. There is a place for you. Somewhere, some casting director or choreographer is looking for someone just like you. Just walk into what ever...
Stage Right End Girl #3
My life’s these yellow lines, concrete, and parliament butts Exhaust fumes and rest stops who drive hard for their bucks Load in, sound check, play show, load out, let’s go, next city, oh great, off day Hangovers, hangups, dialbacks, running make up, apologies and promises I’m putting miles on my body, bout due for a tune up in this gas station, food ain’t really...
The giver.
We just finished watching the TV special “the making of a spectacular” on the bus. This appears on TV in all the cities that we visit on tour. I am feeling an immense amount of pride. The documentary follows us from rehearsals, through tech, dress rehearsals and finally opening the show. The film is narrated by my directors, producers and a few rockettes, including me! It is a very strange...
Change.
“Ultimately, I have found it meaningless to hold the yardstick of fact against the complexities of the human heart. Reality simply isn’t large enough to hold us.”
Professional Auditioner.
Last night I was having dinner with friends and was talking about how our lives as performers directly affect our “non-dance” lives. We spoke about the amount of discipline that is instilled within us from a very young age and the level of respect we are taught to give to those people who constantly put us down. We stand in ballet classes for hours a week and are taught to say “thank you” when...
try to decide what to do now based on love not...
epic.
tittie pop. I need to stop.
On a day like today I have a hard time writing down what I feel. I think this is the reason for personal blogs and why, they are so un-understood and so loved by me. People ask me why I am such an open book, why I don’t just hold it all in, save it for a chat. This is my answer: because sometimes when I cannot find my words, I use others, and I know, that somewhere, someone is using mine....
My xmas list:
First of all, I am super happy that it is finally December- finally the world has caught up with me in the Christmas Department. very good news. I will be spending Christmas eve traveling on a bus, and the morning at a hotel in Orlando. I was hoping that all of you could help me make my day a little better. I recently decided to take a small break from New York City and go spend a few months on...
the perks of being a wallflower.
I have this feeling, and you might to, that these passages sum up all of me in just a few short words. Maybe that is what makes a great book, song, or blog entry…great. The ability for the reader/listener to trade places with the characters and, for once, be able to explain EXACTLY what happened. I have jumped around the truth for months and now finally I feel like I do not have to be the...
